Monday, 3 September 2012

A letter to Mr Jason Coleman. Choreographer Extraordinaire!

Jas! Mate! I need a little favour.

No. No.

You do not know me… sorry to sound so familiar. Just that, I kind of know you. Way back from 'Popstars' days actually. Then 'So You Think You Can Dance'. Then 'The Apprentice'. Following you on Twitter too, you know. Sure, you have thousands of followers, though I only follow a few, like ten, so that, that is a big deal. An honour. You are up there being followed by me along with Mr Bean and Kath and Kim. An absolute honour, no?

Yeah, I kind of know you.

And yes, I am totally sucking up to you. (Though, I do actually follow you.)

So, now we've established who you are and who I am (you can read all about me here in this blog!), I kind of need a little favour.

Can I ask a favour?

Just a little one?

Hey. I know you are a very busy guy. But you are the only guy for the job.

You see, I need a little favour.

I am trying to learn to use a white cane.

Yes, I am going blind.

And I am going really well with it, both using the cane AND going blind, except, I need a little favour.

During my first ever lesson with the cane, I had an idea. (This is where you come into it.) I had an idea and I knew exactly who to turn to. You.

Now, yes, I know you are busy. But I also know you are IT! Want chore? Jason Coleman is your man. Choreographer Extraordinaire! That's you.

Sure, you may think, 'but hey, what is in it for me?'

Sure, you did the Sydney Olympics. Sure, you've been on television. Sure, you even worked on 'Happy Feet'. And that, that is just it! If you can teach a penguin to dance, you can teach me!

I am not a total lost cause. I did 'hip hop' classes, ahem, over a decade ago, belly dancing too. But no, I will not be giving any kind of performance of either, any time soon.

Anyway, during my first lesson, an old man just stood and stared at me. I realised that he thought I couldn't see him. And that is what is stopping me from using my cane. Something I'll need to get used to. People staring, thinking I cannot see them. And then it hit me. 'I will have to work on a little dance routine with my cane. That'll show them! An impromptu dance for my spectators', I thought. 'How cool would that be! I'll get in touch with Jas. Jason Coleman, Choreographer Extraordinaire.'

Now, this is me during my first lesson. 

Look great, no? Lovely technique, so Vicky, my instructor tells me. But I need a little something. Something up my sleeve. Something unexpected.

Jas? Any chance you may be able to knock together some kick-ass chore, using a blind cane? You see, I really need to use my cane, but I just don't want to. 

But if I had a kick-ass chore up my sleeve?


I'll do it.

But, will you?


Pretty please?

I imagine, being a Choreographer Extraordinaire, it would take you two point five seconds to come up with something. Obviously, I am not going to stop and dance my butt off for twenty minutes, each time I want to show off my moves, I just want a little twirl, then get on going again, tap, tap, tap, tap.

Imagine the look on their faces.

Those rude people that stare.

That'll show them.

And Jas, you asked, well, I asked for you, 'but what is in it for me?'

Well, I am glad you asked.

Now imagine this.

Ellen. Me and Ellen.

Yep. That is the aim!

Me, in Los Angeles, ON the Ellen DeGeneres show.

Now, how cool would that be!

'And so, Kate, who created this fabulous chore which is trending worldwide at this very moment, with two point six million views in one day? Kate, do tell!'

'Well, Ellen,' I would answer, 'my mate Jas. Choreography Extraordinaire. Why, it was Jason Coleman! Surely you know him? You should invite him on your show.'

So, Jason. What do you think?

Will you?


Linking up with with Robo Mum for The Lounge.


  1. i would love to see you on Ellen doing a little number by Jason - go you! you go on with your twirl xxx

  2. Just about to stalk Mr Coleman on Twitter and send him this link! Thanks for linking with The Lounge. Robo X

    1. Oops! I better refollow him!

  3. hee hee. Dance like no one is watching - or if you can't do it well, just make it bigger. Then say "Totally Nailed it". That makes everything HILARIOUS and no one will say otherwise.

  4. I'd sign that petition in a SECOND. Jas, mate, get on board would ya?!

  5. I think that's a brilliant idea!!
    Come on Jason!! You can teach Kate a brilliant dance move with the cane!

  6. You should so send this in to your local paper, TV etc etc, push it!. I think unless you push it, then things pass you by :)